all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
