I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
