guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
