so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The adults are the big ones right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
