Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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