idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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