I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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