If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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