how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
