You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
