Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
