someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize