if you like me you must not know who I am
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
