You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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