just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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