Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
