I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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