My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
