I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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