Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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