i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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