With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
