WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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