the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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