I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
