Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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