When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
