i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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