I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
