Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
