I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
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