i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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