Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
