im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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