so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
