currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
