these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
