just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
