Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
