I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize