im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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