There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
handjob tips. give me some.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
