My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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