He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
