Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I will be naked everywhere
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
