the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Randomize
