Welp...herpes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
