I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
