I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
