I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
