I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
