Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
