His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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