Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
