He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize