Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Randomize
