The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize