so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
