worst night to have a conscience
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
