you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
