My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
