i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
