i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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