I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
