My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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