Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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